


Would You Know (If It’s Love?)

by pancake2



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Don’t copy to another site, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Online Friendship, Or Is It?, Pining, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Crush, Vicchan lives but it doesn't really specifically come up but Just So You Know, idiots to lovers, shrödinger’s pining, that tag is courtesy of a tumblr post, their age difference is smaller cuz they met when they were younger, they're still skaters but canon events are changed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancake2/pseuds/pancake2
Summary: “Everyone knew that once you’d connected with your soulmate, the mark would appear on your finger the morning of your next birthday. No one Yuuri had ever known had known their soulmate for years before their marks appeared. Certainly not for an entire decade.”———Yuuri has had a crush on his best friend ever since they met online, over ten years ago. He knows it’s hopeless to dream that maybe fate just messed up, and that one year they’ll finally find matching soul marks... but how do you just give up on something like that?





	1. He'll Never Love You

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyyy I’m really excited about this fic! it’s gonna be my first multichapter fic (that I’ll actually update) in like 6 and a half years!! ~~(if anyone reading this cares I’m so sorry about that Rupphire one I had every intention to update it but I don’t know if that’ll ever happen)~~ but yeah! I don’t have an exact update schedule planned but I DO have a rough idea of how this entire story will go so!!! stay tuned!!!!
> 
> you may have guessed from some other fics but I have a thing for naming stuff after song lyrics lol. the title of this fic comes from [Feels Like Love by MIKA](https://youtu.be/DV4uIeveKHA) (a great Victuuri song in general) and this chapter is from [HNLY by Hayley Kiyoko](https://youtu.be/l8KtNBdVcv0) (the song actually has nothing to do with them or this story tho the title just fit)

Yuuri really hadn’t wanted to start his twenty-third birthday crying. That had been the start to far too many of his birthdays. Still, he couldn’t even be surprised when he wasn’t so lucky, yet again.

He’d woken up and proceeded to stare at the ceiling adamantly for ten solid minutes, wanting to hold off the heartbreak he knew was almost certainly coming. Every year the same thing happened, yet every year he somehow _still_ got his hopes up. He knew he shouldn’t, but _dammit_ , he’s a hopeless romantic, and there’s no way he’s ever going to be able to stop his feelings. Sometimes he _hates_ how many feelings he has.

When he couldn’t bear not knowing any longer, he’d finally lifted his right hand from under his blanket, stretching it out towards the ceiling above him. And he’d looked at his finger. And for the tenth year since he’d started hoping, it was still completely bare.

That shouldn’t have made him cry. He’d pretty much been expecting it. How could it be a fluke for an entire decade? He needed to finally face the facts, and admit that his longstanding crush just _wasn’t_ on his soulmate. He wasn’t a little boy anymore, he needed to give up on such a silly fantasy.

Except he _couldn’t_. How can you just _give up_ on the crush you’ve had on your best friend for _ten years?_ It’s impossible.

So instead, he’d curled his legs up to his chest and pulled the comforter over his head. And then he’d felt hot tears in his eyes, and before he could even think about stopping them, they’d spilled all over his face. He was sure he looked like a mess. He’s always been an ugly crier.

Looking for a distraction, he’d found his phone and turned it on. And the messages on the screen just made his tears harder to contain.

_From Victor_

_00:36  
_ _happy birthday yuuri!!!!! <3 <3 <3_

 _00:37  
_ _i know ur probably asleep (or u should be!) but i wanted to text u as soon as i woke up!!_

 _00:37  
_ _hopefully these texts don’t wake u up lol_

 _00:38  
_ _let me know when ur done with practice cuz i wanna skype u!!! i’ll even stay up late if i need to!_

 _00:38  
_ _or i’ll be done around 8 ur time if u wanna skype before ur practice!_

 _00:39  
_ _ok i gotta go byeee love u happy birthday!!! <3_

Maybe the phone hadn’t been a good distraction. Seeing all those sweet messages from Victor and just _knowing_ he wasn’t his soulmate... This had to be some special form of torture.

Still, soulmate or not, Yuuri loved his friend, and the texts really did make him happy, even if they hurt at the same time. He couldn’t just ignore him because his crush was unrequited.

_From Me_

_07:43  
_ _Thank you!!_

 _07:44  
_ _I’d love to Skype but I probably can’t til after practice. Idk when I’ll be done but I can text you as soon as I know!_

He quickly shut the screen off and put his phone face down on the bed. He couldn’t just Skype Victor with his face all red and blotchy from crying. He’d have to wait until later when he’d calmed down, and could keep himself from crying. Sure, his friend knew how much it hurt to wake up on yet another birthday without a soul mark; he didn’t have his yet, either. But Yuuri couldn’t very well just tell him that he’d been hoping ever since they’d met that they’d be marked as each other’s soulmates. Clearly they were just not meant to be.

And really, he should have accepted this years ago. Everyone knew that once you’d connected with your soulmate, the mark would appear on your finger the morning of your next birthday. No one he’d ever known had known their soulmate for years before their marks appeared. Certainly not for an entire decade. It was silly and childish to believe he was somehow the exception, that there had just been some mistake in the universe and eventually he would wake up on his birthday to find a mark on his finger, and a month later Victor would find his own that matched.

That didn’t make this hurt less, though. He’s been so far gone for Victor for so many years. They’d met online on a figure skating forum when Yuuri was 12 and Victor was 13. Yuuri was surprised to find another skater when most of the people he’d talked to on there had just been fans, and then he’d been even more surprised to see how _amazing_ Victor was, especially when he was only a year older. Victor was just as amazed to find that Yuuri skated, and he seemed to genuinely love Yuuri’s skating, which Yuuri had taken a long time to really believe, but he was happy all the same. They’d also quickly bonded over the fact that they’d both come to the forum as a way to practice their English, and over their shared love of dogs. In no time, they’d become best friends, and each other’s main source of inspiration in their skating. It was really only logical that Yuuri started falling for him hard.

His thirteenth birthday had been the first time he’d woken up to disappointment. He knew he’d been young, but it wasn’t impossible. There were a lot of people who met their soulmates when they were children. His own parents had met at 14. So he’d let himself get his hopes up, even if he was a little anxious about the possibility of not getting his mark. He hadn’t had all the past disappointments yet, so it was easier to hope. But when he’d woken up, he had excitedly looked at his hand, nearly sure that he would see a mark on his finger, and had found it to be bare. He remembers running into Mari’s room crying, not understanding how he could feel the way he did about Victor if he wasn’t his soulmate. And at that time, it had only been a childlike crush. Ten years had given him plenty of time to grow much more intense feelings. He still didn’t understand.

Eventually, he forced himself to get out of bed. He scrubbed at his face in the bathroom to try to bring it back to its normal color, but nothing seemed to help. Apparently this was just how he was going to look for now. He sighed as he slid his glasses onto his face and turned to leave the room.

The second he stepped out into the living room of the tiny apartment, he was engulfed in a hug.

“Yuuri! Happy birthday!” Phichit yelled, directly into his ear.

Yuuri tried his best to laugh, knowing his roommate meant perfectly well. Besides Victor, he was his best friend. And he actually _knew_ something even Victor did not: that Yuuri had the world’s biggest crush on his best friend in the world, and every year on his birthday he woke up hoping to find a soul mark, but never did. So naturally, Phichit always did his best to make him happy on his birthday. He never dared to ask Yuuri if he’d gotten his mark, because he knew that would only hurt him more. Yuuri really loved him for it.

“So,” Phichit continued, letting go of Yuuri after a moment, before leading him towards the kitchen to announce, “I made poodle pancakes!”

Yuuri peered at the plate on the counter that was filled with a stack of pancakes that could maybe be considered poodle-shaped if he took his glasses back off. It was the thought that counted, though, and Phichit had clearly tried his best.

He finally really smiled for the first time all morning, and he quietly thanked Phichit before he helped himself to a plate. He was sure Phichit noticed how quiet he was being, and he definitely knew why. He felt a little guilty for not being more enthusiastic about his friend’s surprise, but he was still caught in his funk.

They both ate in silence for a while until Phichit spoke up, “So I talked to Ciao Ciao and a few other people from the rink, and they’re all willing to go out tonight to that one restaurant you really like in Novi! I made a reservation, if you’re up to that!”

Yuuri looked up and grinned at Phichit, “That actually does sound fun, thank you, Phichit.” He was almost distracted from his agonizing when he remembered something, and asked quickly, “Wait, what time?”

“Not ‘til seven. I figured you’d probably wanna Skype Victor when we get back from practice, before he goes to bed. That’s like super late in Russia, so it should be plenty of time, right?” Phichit replied, and oh, he really had thought of everything. Yuuri really was amazed sometimes at how he’d managed to deserve such a wonderful friend.

Yuuri just nodded, unsure of what exactly to say. He stared down at his plate, pushing pancake crumbs around with his fork. He really wanted to be happy today, and he really was looking forward to his Skype call with Victor and to dinner with his rinkmates. He just couldn’t get past the disappointment he’d woken up with. He hated that his birthday mornings seemed to always feel like this.

“Hey,” Phichit spoke suddenly, but his tone was gentle, “I don’t wanna overstep here, but... What if you just, I dunno, _told_ him how you feel?”

Yuuri’s head snapped up, and he stared across the table, completely flabbergasted. “What,” he heard come out of his mouth, and it didn’t even sound like a question.

Phichit shrugged, “I mean, you’ve heard of all those stories where people fall in love with someone who isn’t their soulmate, right? The ones who kept going year after year never finding a mark, and decided they’d just marry their best friend or someone instead? It’s not like it’s _never_ worked out for anyone.”

Yuuri blinked at him a few times, and then he frowned, “I think Victor’s really set on finding his soulmate, though. He always talks about how romantic the idea is.” He didn’t even bother mentioning the sour feeling he got when he thought about how even the potential idea of him dating Victor without being his soulmate felt like it was somehow a _lesser_ version of what he wanted. He was sure Phichit could guess how he felt about that.

Phichit sighed, “Yuuri, I know, but... I just hate seeing you this sad every year. And I dunno, I’m not saying I can _guarantee_ that he _likes_ you likes you, but I mean, from what I’ve seen...” He waved his hand around vaguely as he trailed off.

Yuuri blushed bright red, because any time Phichit had brought this up, he absolutely could never make himself believe it. If Victor _did_ like him, then why weren’t they marked as soulmates? Wasn’t that how it worked? Clearly it just couldn’t be possible. Victor was waiting excitedly to meet his _real_ soulmate, and Yuuri didn’t want to intrude on that.

The conversation ended there, like Phichit knew pushing Yuuri further was not a good idea. He quickly switched the topic to some videos he’d taken of his hamsters the night before while Yuuri had been Skyping with his family. Yuuri was more than thankful for it.

As they finished breakfast and got ready to leave for practice, Yuuri couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he really did take Phichit’s advice. Would Victor laugh at him? Hate him? Think he was creepy? Yuuri didn’t want to risk their friendship just for the off chance that Victor would agree to pity date him because they hadn’t found their soulmates yet. He wished this was easier.

By the time they were out the door, he’d pretty much fully decided there was no way he could ever tell Victor the truth. It was too terrifying.

 

* * *

 

After coming home from practice, Yuuri found himself sitting on his bed, his laptop in front of him. The dial tone droned on as he waited for Victor to pick up the call.

When he finally did, and his face suddenly filled the entire screen, Yuuri felt his heart thump in his chest. No matter how many times he saw him, he’d never get over how beautiful he was. Even now, when he had on a loose pajama shirt, and his hair was wet and clung to his forehead from a shower, all Yuuri could see was his eyes that lit up and sparkled when he saw Yuuri on the screen, and his gorgeous heart-shaped smile — the real one, not the cold one he used for the media. Even his messy hair and his pajamas were endearing, he looked cozy and ready for bed, and what Yuuri wouldn’t give to cuddle up to him as they both drifted off to sleep...

“Happy birthday, Yuuri!” Victor beamed brightly, waving at Yuuri once the call had connected.

Yuuri grinned back, “Thank you, Victor.”

Victor looked off to the side for a second before he was suddenly calling out, “Makka! Come tell Yuuri happy birthday!”

Yuuri heard the jingling of a collar, and then he giggled as Victor was very nearly bowled off his bed by thirty kilos of excited dog. Makkachin sniffed at the laptop for a second before turning to Victor and licking his face.

“He says happy birthday!” Victor practically shouted through his laughs, wrestling his dog to be able to sit back up.

“Thank you, Makka,” Yuuri had the biggest smile on his face now. He would never be over how sweet Victor was with his dog. That was just one of at least a thousand things on the list of what had made him keep on falling for his friend again and again over the past ten years.

“So,” Victor huffed out, having finally managed to sit up and get Makkachin under control. He pet him gently in his lap as he looked back at Yuuri, asking, “How has your birthday been? I wanna hear all about it!”

“Well, I got to Skype with my whole family for a while last night, since it was already my birthday in Japan-"

“It’s like you get an extra long birthday!” Victor cut in.

Yuuri laughed and nodded. Victor had made this comment every year since Yuuri had come to train in Michigan. It still made him smile.

“Anyway,” he continued, “they said to say hello to you for them next time we talked. So, ‘hi,’ from my family. And then this morning, Phichit made poodle-shaped pancakes. They kinda just looked like fluffy blobs but he really tried, it was sweet. Oh, and he says ‘hi’ too.”

“All these people wanting to say hello to me,” Victor grinned, and oh, that smile made Yuuri do stupid things.

“They’ll have to wait if they want to actually talk to you, I don’t wanna share my birthday phone call, you’re all mine right now.”

Oh god. Oh _god_ that had left Yuuri’s mouth before he even thought about it. He felt his face heat up as his words caught up to his ears. His mind had been running wild today after Phichit’s suggestion, and apparently whatever little part of him that couldn’t stop fantasizing had just come forward.

“I, uh...” he mumbled, trying to find words, “Sorry. That sounded... weird.”

Whatever hopeful part of his brain must have still been there, because he almost could have sworn he saw the tiniest pink blush dusted across Victor’s nose. It had to be the lighting, or the shitty webcam quality, right? There was no way that had made Victor blush. Victor didn’t feel the same.

“It’s okay,” he said after a moment, and then he added teasingly, “I don’t wanna share you, either.”

Yuuri practically choked on air at that. How was he supposed to contain his feelings when Victor just said things like _that?_ He was such a goner.

“Anyway,” he coughed out, looking down at his knees to avoid meeting the camera, “I landed my quad sal _twice_ today!” He didn’t bother mentioning the twenty-some times he’d fallen, or the giant bruise that still throbbed a little on his hip.

“I knew you could!” Victor praised, and Yuuri felt himself smile even through the awkwardness he was still feeling. “You’re gonna be landing them in competition any time now! And then I can finally help you with the quad flip!”

“Your videos definitely helped! You should be more careful with what information you’re giving the enemy, the Russian skating federation is gonna think you’re cheating on them.” Yuuri needed to shut up. He needed to shut up right now because he apparently _could not_ stop accidentally flirting with Victor.

Victor just waved it off though, “What, like you’re not the reason I got my step sequences together? Neither of us would skate like we do without each other. Anyone who knows anything about skating knows that.”

And it was true. When they’d met, Victor was already an up-and-coming Junior champion in Russia. He had earned his first Junior Worlds gold only a few years later, and gone on to the Senior level the next. Yet as amazing as he’d already been, he’d immediately taken inspiration from Yuuri’s step sequences once he’d seen them. Yuuri had been shocked; he hadn’t even been in Juniors yet, and he hadn’t thought he was all that special. He’d climbed the ranks quickly enough, though, certainly helped by how much Victor inspired and helped him in return. He’d eventually even started to see the good in his own skating, after Victor insisted on it so much. He still struggled a lot with his anxiety, though, especially when it came to competitions, and he knew that it was what always held him back. Despite that, he’d still made a name for himself by now, as one of Japan’s top skaters. Victor kept telling him it wouldn’t be long before they were fighting for Worlds gold. And on their entire way up, they’d each constantly cited each other as their main sources of inspiration in countless interviews and press conferences. The entire skating world knew of their close friendship, and it was almost unnerving at times, but Yuuri couldn’t imagine his life being any other way.

Yuuri changed the subject though, not wanting to get lost daydreaming about their friendship. “And now tonight after this, Phichit and Celestino and a couple other people from the rink are all taking me out to dinner. There’s this place pretty close to here that has katsudon that’s _almost_ as good as my mom’s. Not quite the same, but it’s the best I’m gonna find here. I feel like I shouldn’t break my diet this close to a competition, but Phichit said I skate my ass off enough that it shouldn’t matter. He’d better be right.”

“Oh, stop it, your ass is great,” Victor laughed, hard, and Yuuri felt his brain short-circuit. There was no way he _meant_ that. That was just the kind of thing you could say casually to someone you’ve been friends with forever, right? He didn’t have time to think on it though, because Victor quickly spoke again, “But really, that’s exciting! I wish I could be there!” He smiled, but he almost looked a little sad. Yuuri could guess why; despite being friends for over a decade now, they still had never managed to meet up in person. It always came down to conflicting training schedules or competitions or insufficient funds or the inability to bring dogs somewhere. But that was actually finally about to change.

“Well, we _are_ finally gonna get to see each other in how many days now?”

Victor’s face lit up again, and he immediately responded, “Eleven! Almost only ten for me, it’s pretty late here.”

“It still doesn’t feel like it’s really happening yet,” Yuuri admitted, a little breathless.

“We finally broke the curse!”

Yuuri laughed at that, finally relieved that their longtime joke had turned out to really just be a _joke_. They’d always claimed their competitions were “cursed,” at least to the point that they’d _never_ shared a single competition. Victor had made it to the Senior level the same year Yuuri had finally made it into the Junior Grand Prix Series. The first year he’d made it to the Final as a Junior, Victor _would_ have made it as a Senior, except he’d injured his ankle in practice days before and had to sit out the rest of the season (and those had been a _hard_ few months for him). And then the next season, Yuuri had finally reached the Senior level, and they’d somehow always managed to get different Grand Prix qualifiers every year since. Yuuri hadn’t made it to Worlds as a Senior yet, so that hadn’t worked out either. But this year, with a silver and even a _gold_ medal from his qualifiers, it finally would be the first time he would make it to the Final as a Senior. Victor was the top qualifier for the second year in a row, scoring gold at both his competitions and setting all of the season’s best records, and Yuuri had never doubted that he’d score any less. So finally, for the first time ever, they were going to share a competition.

“You better not have jinxed it now,” Yuuri accused with a tone of mock-seriousness, although part of him was actually quite afraid of a repeat of the ankle incident.

“Shit,” Victor muttered, turning to his left and stretching to knock on his wooden nightstand three times. “There,” he laughed, “all better.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes, chastising, “Just don’t push yourself so hard, if you hurt your ankle again we’re probably never gonna get to see each other in person.”

Victor raised his eyebrows at that, grinning, “You’re one to talk, practicing a quad that isn’t even in your programs.”

“It’s for next season!” He defended, although he knew that was hardly an excuse. He should really have waited until at least after his Nationals, but Victor had been so excited when he’d asked for help, and Celestino was there to provide his own input and make sure he didn’t do anything wrong. He would be fine.

Victor just shook his head with a smile on his face.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a long while, Yuuri simply watching as Victor gently massaged his fingers through Makkachin’s fur. Yuuri was trying very hard not to stare at how beautiful Victor’s silver hair looked, draping down over half his face as he looked down at the poodle in his lap. It was difficult.

Eventually, Victor let out a yawn, and Yuuri did some quick math in his head to figure out what time it was in St. Petersburg. It had to be a little past midnight. Victor was not the night owl Yuuri tended to be, and he had practice in the morning.

“I should let you get to bed,” Yuuri said gently.

Victor pouted, “I don’t wanna stop talking though.”

Yuuri smiled at that, letting the sentiment get to him a little. He sighed, insisting against his own wishes, “Yeah, me neither, but you should. Didn’t we just talk about not pushing ourselves?”

Victor just waved his hand vaguely, laying down and pulling his computer with him so that it was next to where his head rested on the pillow. The sight made Yuuri’s heart squeeze, even if this was far from the first time he’d seen Victor like this. There had been many times one of them had fallen asleep while they Skyped. Yuuri always wondered what it would be like to actually lay next to him in a bed, even if he knew he shouldn’t. There was no way it would ever happen.

“And hey,” he interrupted his own thoughts more than anything, “just ten days now, right? And we can talk before then, too.”

Victor nodded, rubbing his cheek against his pillow. He smiled, “I’m so excited to finally see you, for real, in front of me.”

Yuuri’s heart thumped in his chest, and he hoped he wasn’t blushing too hard. He smiled right back, “Me, too. Goodnight, Victor.”

“Happy birthday, Yuuri. Enjoy your dinner. And I’ll see you soon!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wanna keep up with me or this fic please subscribe or follow me on [tumblr](http://opalescentlesbiian.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/opallesbiian) (which I am very new to and still figuring out lol)!! I’ll probably post a bit there about how this fic is going, maybe I’ll even post some little previews!


	2. With Your Broken Heart in Tow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took way longer than I was expecting it to BUT I also thought it was gonna be like 5k max so.... have this almost 8k beast for waiting lol. I almost split it up but I really wanted to get the end bit in this chapter!
> 
> chapter title is from [Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sara](https://youtu.be/8RDdmfWsrsw) which is like one of my fav fav fav songs ever (and also. very sad I'm sorry)

The flights to Sochi had been excruciatingly long, and Yuuri had not slept well when he’d tried to. His mind was swimming with a million different anxieties. This weekend was going to be a whirlwind of new experiences.

It would be his first time at the Grand Prix Final since he had reached the Senior level. At twenty-three, he knew that was a bit of a late feat. Every year, it felt like increasingly younger and younger skaters were surpassing him, and there were times when that made him feel a little hopeless. Part of him wondered if he really deserved to be here. Even if he knew he was a _good_ skater, he felt like there were so many others who were so much _better_. He was also terrified that he was going to completely mess up his programs and make a fool of himself in front of a gigantic international audience. Victor, Phichit, and Celestino had all repeatedly tried to remind him that all of this was just his anxiety talking, and that of course he deserved to be here, because he was an _incredible_ skater, and he was going to be _amazing_ , like he had been in his qualifiers. He just wished it was easier to believe them.

But as if the competition anxiety wasn’t enough for him to be worried about, this weekend would _also_ be the first time he got to meet Victor in person. After being best friends for _ten years_ and only ever getting to see him through his computer screen, he would finally, _finally_ be in the same physical space as him. It felt unreal, it felt exciting, it felt terrifying. He had wanted this for _years_ , they both had, so of course he was looking forward to it. Yet at the same time, he couldn’t stop worrying about what would happen if Victor didn’t like him in person, or if he somehow slipped up about his stupid crush right in front of him, or… he didn’t even know, really, all the things he was afraid of, he was just afraid things would go _wrong_. And the worst part was that he _knew_ these worries were mostly unfounded, and that Victor was extremely excited to meet him, and that it probably was going to be the best weekend of his life, regardless of what even happened in the competition. He just couldn’t stop the little voice in the back of his head that taunted, _“what if?”_

So sleeping for any significant amount of time had been nearly futile, with all these thoughts bouncing around in his head. The stiff airplane seats had not exactly helped, either. By the time the plane touched down, he was already feeling weary. This was not exactly how he’d wanted to feel going into this weekend.

In the taxi from the airport to the hotel, Celestino tried to calm him down. As Yuuri’s coach for the past five years, he had figured out a few things that sometimes helped with his anxiety, but none of them seemed to do much this time. Yuuri had far too much on his mind, and he was also a little irritable from his lack of sleep.

They finally made it to the hotel, and Yuuri hurried away from Celestino and up to the desk. He wanted to check in and get to his room as quickly as possible. He didn’t have practice until tomorrow, and his only plans for tonight were to meet up with Victor, probably to just hang out in his hotel room. Maybe he could squeeze in a nap before then.

He thanked the concierge in shaky Russian once she’d handed him his key card, then spun around and began to head for the elevators as quickly as possible. He’d only taken a few long strides when he was suddenly stopped in his tracks as he noticed a familiar man across the lobby.

Their eyes met, and Yuuri felt frozen in place. For as many times as he’d seen Victor through Skype or pictures or on TV when he skated, nothing could have properly prepared him to see him in person. Because he was _real_ , and he was _right there_ , and Yuuri felt like he was in a dream. Maybe he really had finally fallen into a deep sleep and the plane hadn’t even landed yet.

And then before he even had time to properly take him in, Victor was _running_ towards him through the lobby.

“Yuuri!”

He hadn’t had the chance to so much as take a step toward him before he felt himself wrapped tightly in a hug, and then Victor actually _lifted_ him a little and spun him around. Yuuri wondered if Victor could feel how hard his heart was beating.

“Victor,” he breathed out, in complete disbelief that this was actually happening.

He wrapped his own arms around him, clinging tightly to the back of his coat. He wanted to stay like this forever, they needed to catch up on all the time they hadn’t been able to hug for the past ten years. Yuuri breathed in deeply, and he nearly cried tears of joy because for the first time he could _smell_ him. Nothing could make this feel more real than the press of Victor’s arms tightly around his middle, and the intoxicating smell of his cologne. It was soft and a little floral and Yuuri wanted to _drown_ in it. He could feel the tension from before just melting off him, and he completely forgot about being tired. It was by far the greatest hug he’d ever experienced in his life.

Eventually, they had to part, although when they did, it was only enough to stare at each other. Victor was _so close_ and Yuuri could see every tiny little detail he was never afforded through a screen. Each individual silver eyelash, little flecks of white brightening his blue eyes, the little creases in his skin brought on by his blinding smile, incredibly light freckles dusted over his nose… Yuuri was falling in love all over again. It was an absolute miracle that he didn’t panic at the realization.

“This doesn’t feel real,” Victor murmured after what felt like ages. He was still staring at Yuuri’s face.

Yuuri shook his head in agreement, too dazed to speak. All he could focus on was how Victor’s voice sounded even better in person than it ever had through a computer.

Victor didn’t take his eyes off Yuuri until Yakov approached them to hand Victor the bags he’d left behind, and then he snapped something in quick Russian that Yuuri couldn’t quite understand. Victor muttered something back to him, sounding annoyed, before slowly letting go of Yuuri and explaining, “I have to go check in, and you probably want to take your things up to your room, yes? I’ll text you my room number when I’m ready for you to come over.”

Yuuri nodded, still at a loss for words. He already missed the feeling of Victor’s arms around him, even if he knew they wouldn’t be apart for long. He figured they probably wouldn’t be hugging like that again until it was time for him to leave Russia, which was maybe good for keeping his crush at bay, but a painful thought all the same.

He watched as Victor stepped away and waved to him, before he turned around and headed to the desk. Yuuri had to force himself to turn in the opposite direction to head toward the elevators, or else he might never leave.

He made it up to his room and busied himself with organizing his things, hanging his clothes and costumes up, and just about _anything_ that would stop him from picking up his phone every five seconds to see if he had somehow missed a text from Victor, even though he’d turned the sound on just for this. He knew Victor needed time to get his own things in order, but after ten years of _nothing_ and then that life changing hug in the lobby, he was desperate to be in the same space again.

When he ran out of productive things to do, he started flipping through the TV channel guide, for no other reason than to do something with his hands. If there was one in English, he couldn’t find it, so he couldn’t even understand a word in it anyway. Victor had taught him to speak a little bit of conversational Russian over the years, but with the one notable exception of Victor’s name, he couldn’t read anything in Cyrillic to save his life. He almost wished he could though, just so he could better distract himself from staring at his phone.

Luckily, this didn’t last long, because Yuuri’s phone soon let out a bright _ding!_ as a text arrived. He immediately tossed the guide to the floor and dove across the bed for his phone.

_From Victor_

_19:43  
_ _i’m all set when ur ready! i’m in room 829!_

Yuuri shot up from the bed and rushed out the door, not even bothering to text back as he climbed the single flight of stairs up to Victor’s floor.

Victor must have been impatient as well, because the door flew open only seconds after Yuuri had knocked.

“Yuuri!” he shouted again, in that wonderful, excited voice that Yuuri would never tire of hearing.

And then before Yuuri could even respond, he was wrapped in a hug again, a little less dramatic than the first, but just as incredible.

“Victor,” Yuuri laughed a little, face practically pressed against him in the hug. He absolutely was not complaining.

When you’ve spent the past ten years only ever talking to someone through a computer screen, there are certain things that you can’t fully comprehend, even if you kind of know about them. This hug made Yuuri rapidly realize that their height difference was one of these things. Sure, he _knew_ Victor was seven centimeters taller than him, he’d _seen_ pictures of Victor next to other skaters who he had met himself, he _understood_ at some base level that he was a little taller than him. But it had never really clicked that this meant that Victor could easily tuck Yuuri’s head under his chin. And that was exactly what he had done. And Yuuri wanted to stay like that forever.

Yuuri couldn’t be entirely sure exactly how long they stood there in Victor’s doorway, but Victor eventually stepped back into the room, waiting for Yuuri to follow.

“We can’t stand in the hallway all night,” he laughed.

Yuuri nodded, still dazed from being _that close_ to Victor for a _second_ time. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be over it.

“I can’t believe this is really happening.”

They both broke into laughter when they realized they’d said the exact same thing at the same time.

Once they’d gotten over the initial disbelief of being in the same space after ten years of being on separate continents, they decided to order room service so that they could just spend some time _alone together_. Yuuri tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat when Victor had suggested that. They sat at the little desk in the corner of the room to eat their meal. They chatted excitedly between bites of food, about skating and the Final, about Yuuri’s studies, about Makkachin’s latest escapades, but mostly about how incredible it was that they were actually sitting in the same room for the first time ever.

When they were done eating, Victor told Yuuri to wait while he got something from his suitcase. Yuuri had no idea what to make of that. He stared after Victor as he crossed the room and opened the little closet, trying to see what he was grabbing from there. When he turned around with a small wrapped box, Yuuri just stared at him in confusion.

“Victor, what?” he asked, wondering if he should have brought something for him. They’d never sent each other anything more than sometimes birthday cards, given how ridiculous international shipping was, but maybe because they were finally meeting in person something was different? Yuuri had no idea.

Victor just shrugged nonchalantly as he explained, “I wanted to get you a birthday present, and I figured I could wait and give it to you now instead of mailing it.”

Yuuri gasped, disbelieving. He held his hands up and protested, “You didn’t have to do that!”

Victor just held the gift out to him, shaking his head, insisting, “I _wanted_ to, Yuuri. Go ahead, open it!”

Yuuri sighed as he took the box, still feeling a little guilty for some reason. “Thank you, Victor,” he managed with a smile at last, before he carefully tore the paper open. He lifted the lid of the box to reveal a beautiful blue necktie. It looked silky and shiny and _expensive_ , with intricate swirling patterns across it in a slightly lighter shade. Yuuri looked up at Victor in surprise, wondering why he’d given him something this _nice_. He tried hard not to think about what kinds of gifts they’d give each other if they were dating, if they were soulmates. It had been very hard to keep his mind from wandering there ever since he and Victor had first hugged in the lobby.

“It’s so beautiful, Victor, thank you,” he murmured eventually, brushing his fingers gently over the material.

Victor grinned, “Well, I figured my _beautiful_ friend deserved a tie that served him justice. Now you can finally toss that awful yellow-striped one.”

Yuuri felt his entire face heat up at the compliment, even if Victor had followed it directly with an insult. He had kept it no secret how much he disliked the only tie Yuuri owned. Still, Yuuri was a little shocked to learn that Victor’s apparent solution to that was to gift him a new one that was far nicer than any of the clothing Yuuri ever would purchase for himself.

“I’ll have to wear this for the banquet on Sunday,” Yuuri decided, thinking out loud.

“I was hoping you would,” Victor smiled back at him softly. Yuuri thought he just might melt under that gaze.

They eventually settled on watching a movie, both of them too tired from travel to be up for anything else. They’d have to wander around Sochi a different night. Everything on TV was in Russian, so Victor sat on the bed with his laptop and waited expectantly for Yuuri to sit beside him. Yuuri’s mind was running wild as he tried not to think of any of the implications that could be involved there. They were _friends_ , there was no reason they couldn’t sit on a bed and watch a movie together. Yuuri just had to not make it weird. Simple.

Victor was leaning back on the pillows and the headboard, and Yuuri carefully sat cross legged beside him, leaving some distance between them.

“You can get closer,” Victor smiled, waving at the computer on his lap, adding, “Might be kind of hard to see this from there.”

Yuuri nodded, willing himself not to blush as he wiggled closer, and felt their shoulders touch. He just needed to be normal about this.

Victor started a movie, and Yuuri couldn’t even focus enough to figure out what it was. He was thinking too much about the tiny point of contact that their arms were sharing.

After a minute or so he realized he still couldn’t see the screen very well, and tried leaning just a little more over without getting too much into Victor’s space. He realized he failed spectacularly at that when his head bumped Victor’s shoulder, and he immediately jerked away.

Victor looked at him curiously, grinning coyly, “It’s okay, Yuuri, I won’t bite.”

Yuuri’s face flushed, and without even thinking about it for much longer, he leaned his head back over onto Victor’s shoulder, this time on purpose, mostly to try to prevent him from seeing how much he was blushing. It probably did not work, but maybe if he just focused on that thought…

And then he suddenly felt fingers absently toying with the back of his hair. He stiffened up involuntarily, and whispered, “Victor… what are you doing?”

Victor’s fingers froze, then quickly retreated. Yuuri felt him shift a little, and he mumbled out a quiet, “Sorry.”

Yuuri blinked for a second, and then heard the words come out of his mouth before he could even think about them, “You… don’t have to stop.”

He was sure he was about to die from embarrassment, because _why_ would Victor even _want_ to keep playing with his hair? He’d clearly only been doing it subconsciously, it wasn’t like he _meant_ anything by it. But Yuuri had suggested he keep doing it, and now he was going to find out about Yuuri’s gigantic stupid crush, and things would be weird, and this weekend was going to be a mess-

And then Victor’s fingers were at the back of his head again, a little more cautious this time. And Yuuri felt himself lean into it, barely managing to contain whatever embarrassing noises he wanted to make. Victor was being so gentle, just softly running the tips of his fingers through the ends of Yuuri’s hair. Yuuri hadn’t even considered how much he might have wanted this, specifically, and once he got over the initial awkwardness, he felt like he was in a dream.

It was suddenly very hard for Yuuri to focus on the movie, his eyes threatening to droop every few seconds. The tiredness from earlier was finally catching back up to him. He didn’t want to move, though, because this was honestly probably one of the greatest moments of his entire life so far. So he didn’t, he just stayed there, his head against Victor’s shoulder and Victor‘s fingers in his hair, and Yuuri barely even looked at the screen, succumbing to the bliss of it all.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri woke to the sound of an unfamiliar alarm. He had half a mind to groan and pull the pillow over his head, very much not wanting to wake up yet, but he knew he needed to get ready for practice.

He opened his eyes slowly, squinting blearily upward at the textured hotel ceiling. He’d never liked waking up in unfamiliar places, but at this point it’d just become part of his life. Every season was full of far off competitions and unfamiliar hotel rooms that eventually kind of blended together.

It took him a good moment in his barely-awake state to realize two very important things about this particular unfamiliar place, though. The first was that the alarm was still going off, and it decidedly did not sound like a hotel alarm clock, but rather a phone ring tone — and definitely not his own. The second was that there was a solid weight of some kind on top of his chest. Just as he spared a glance down in confusion, he heard a soft groan from beside him.

He swore his heart stopped right then and there. Because the weight was an _arm,_ and it _tightened_ around him, trying to hold on. And then he felt someone shift beside him, and soft breaths hit the side of his neck. There was no way this was actually happening. Except he knew _exactly_ what was happening.

Because this was also the exact moment that he realized the last thing he could remember from the night before was leaning against Victor’s shoulder as they watched a movie, and Victor playing with his hair. Yuuri couldn’t even remember how the movie ended, let alone getting up and going back to his own hotel room.

He’d fallen asleep in Victor’s hotel room. In Victor’s _bed_. And Victor had _slept_ _next to him_. With an _arm around him_.

It was like he was going for checking off all the boxes on a list of ways to absolutely _never_ get over a crush.

He was still stuck in the midst of his panic when Victor seemed to actually wake up and quickly pulled his arm away, before shutting off his phone alarm and sitting up.

“Sorry!” Victor spoke quickly, and Yuuri’s eyes snapped toward him.

“Wh- …what?” he wasn’t even sure which thing he was questioning. Probably all of them.

“I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable! I usually sleep with Makkachin, and I’ll hold onto him in my sleep, and I guess I didn’t… realize where I was. While I was sleeping.” Victor seemed almost… frazzled? And was he _blushing_? There was no way…

“I… what ha-… I’m still here?” Yuuri was not nearly awake enough to properly process any of this.

“You fell asleep when we were maybe fifteen minutes into the movie. You seemed pretty jet-lagged before that. I didn’t want to wake you, since you have so much trouble falling asleep on competition weekends,” Victor explained. Yuuri almost swore he saw a little pink blush across his nose again when he added, “And there’s only the one bed, I couldn’t exactly sleep anywhere else. I figured you wouldn’t mind, and my alarm was set since we both have practice at the same time.”

Yuuri laid there dazed, but managed to nod softly. He simply could not _believe_ that after years of imagining something like this happening, it actually _had_. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

After what felt like ages, Yuuri finally sat up and gathered enough composure to ask, “Where’d my glasses go?”

Victor quickly reached behind himself towards the night stand, grabbing the glasses and handing them to Yuuri. “Those didn’t seem very comfortable to sleep in,” he reasoned. Yuuri felt like he might cry, and it was such a little thing, but the idea of Victor _taking care of him_ like that made his heart leap into his throat.

“Thank you,” he managed softly, putting his glasses on and watching the world come into focus.

Victor was sitting beside him, with his hair mussed from sleep, and he had on a thin grey tank top with one of the straps falling down his shoulder. Yuuri was well aware that he was blushing, but stopping himself was hopeless because he couldn’t get over how _good_ Victor looked like that, somehow, fresh out of bed and not at all put together. Everything felt very intimate, the way Yuuri supposed waking up next to someone _should_ feel. Even if it hadn’t happened for the reasons he’d always wished for, he was _in bed_ with Victor. (Literally, of course.) He thought he’d only ever dream of a moment like this.

A few moments passed as they looked at each other quietly, and then Yuuri spoke softly, “I should probably go so I can get ready for practice.” He looked down at himself to realize he was still in his clothes from the day before, having brought nothing with him besides his phone and his key card. He felt a little gross, and was worried that he’d _slept next to Victor_ like that, even if his friend seemed like he didn’t mind.

Victor nodded, oddly looking anywhere else in the room as he mumbled, “Yeah…” Yuuri still swore he saw the tiniest blush across his nose, even with his glasses on now, but there was no way it could mean anything. It was probably just because this was an odd situation. Yuuri was just being overly hopeful.

After another minute, he finally got out of bed, told Victor he’d see him at practice, and made his way back down the stairs and into his own hotel room. It was odd coming into the room to the bed perfectly untouched, and all his things in the same place as before, even the discarded TV guide on the floor. He couldn’t say he’d ever spent the night in a hotel room besides his own before.

He quickly got himself ready for the day, then grabbed his gear bag and headed to the lobby to meet Celestino. He’d arranged for transportation to the arena where the Final was taking place, not far from the hotel.

They arrived a little before the practice was officially set to begin, and Yuuri wasn’t surprised to see that Victor wasn’t there yet. He had no doubt his friend was still getting ready, probably with Yakov pounding on his door. He’d told Yuuri that that happened at nearly every competition. He still always managed to make it just on time, though.

Yuuri busied himself with off-ice warmups, stretching and jogging around a bit so that he would be ready to go out onto the ice as soon as the practice began. He was beginning to lace his skates up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, making him jump a little and look up to see who was there.

“Hey there,” Victor smiled, seeming to not notice Yuuri’s jumpiness.

“It’s about time you showed up,” Yuuri laughed at him.

Victor pouted, “Hush, Yakov already gave me enough of that.”

Yuuri just shook his head, but he had a big smile on his face. He went back to his laces as Victor started his own stretches in front of him. If he focused enough on his skates, maybe he could distract himself from looking up and staring at Victor’s ass in his tight track pants. (Which was directly in front of him, as Victor had chosen the _worst_ possible place to do his stretches.) Yuuri just had to stop thinking about it.

Practice officially began, and Yuuri made his way to the ice, leaving Victor to his warmups. He’d skated a few quick laps before he realized something important.

This would be the first time that either of them saw the other skate in person.

After a decade of sending each other countless skating videos, showing off new moves or suggesting tips or testing out choreography; after a decade of heavily influencing one another’s skating styles; after a decade of citing one another as their greatest inspirations in interview after interview; after a decade of being each other’s greatest fans… This would finally be the first time that they actually got to see each other skate up close, for real, right there, without the separation of cameras and computers in between.

Maybe that should have been panic-inducing, maybe the thought should have been enough to make Yuuri trip on his toe pick like an amateur, maybe it should have been too much pressure for him to have been able to focus. But somehow, at least for the moment, it was nothing but _inspiring_. And maybe _that_ really was how it should have been.

Yuuri watched as Victor came up to the boards, getting ready to step onto the ice himself, and that was when he got an idea. Possibly a very stupid idea. That possibility wasn’t going to stop him.

“Victor!” he called out, grinning when his friend looked up at him. He started skating backwards slowly as he called out, “Watch me!”

Yuuri glanced behind himself briefly to make sure he had a clear path, then quickly shot backwards across the ice, towards Victor, and launched himself into a quad salchow just as he passed him. And he _landed_ it, with a surprising amount of grace for how few times he’d actually successfully done it so far. By the time he stopped to think about how bad of an idea that had been on the morning of a competition, he’d already done it. Something had just completely overcome him, wanting to impress Victor. He _had_ been the one helping Yuuri to perfect the jump.

“Yuuri!” he heard from behind him, and then Victor’s arms were around him from behind, as he’d quickly made his way over just to hug him. “That was amazing!”

Yuuri blushed at that, and he hoped it just looked like his face was flushed from exertion.

Before he could even think of how to respond, he heard Celestino shout from the boards, “Yuuri! Focus on your program for _tonight_ , please!”

Yuuri ducked his head a little, sliding away from Victor to actually run over the elements of his program. Celestino was right, he couldn’t mess around right now, no matter how much he wanted to just have fun for a minute with his friend. This was the most serious competition of his skating career so far, and he needed to focus. Now was not the time to get so distracted.

It was far from easy to keep himself entirely focused, though he mostly managed. Still, every time he remembered that Victor was _there_ , and could just be watching him skate at any given moment, he tensed up a little. It was dumb, he knew, to get nervous at the thought of his best friend watching him skate but… It was almost similar to the anxiety that competitions themselves usually gave him, where his nerves got the better of him because he was thinking too hard about performing well. He supposed he just wanted to really _prove_ to his best friend, his inspiration, that he was as good a skater as he’d made it seem through every video he’d ever sent.

At one point, he’d stopped by the boards for some water and a breather, when he felt someone skate up beside him. He knew who it was before he even turned.

“Yuuri, are you alright?” Victor asked him, concern written across his face.

Yuuri looked down at his shaking hands, silently cursing himself for being so _obvious_ about his anxiety. He tried his best to smile as he waved the concern off, “I’ll be fine, this just… always happens, you know that.”

Victor hummed softly and reached out for Yuuri’s hands, squeezing them gently. “I know you’ll be amazing, Yuuri,” he spoke softly, just loud enough for only Yuuri to hear.

Yuuri felt his face grow red, but he managed to get out, “Thank you, Victor.” He really couldn’t even put into words just how much that little sentiment meant to him.

He felt Victor gently let go of his hands, starting to skate backwards as he grinned widely and called out, “Yuuri, watch _me_ this time!”

Yuuri stood and watched as Victor made his way around the rink quickly. It suddenly hit him that in his focus, he hadn’t been watching Victor skate _at all_ yet. Whatever he was about to do was surely going to be amazing.

Just as he was coming back around the rink towards Yuuri, Victor leapt into a quad flip, landing it perfectly and then honest to god _winking_ at Yuuri as he flew right by him. Yuuri felt his breath hitch, in absolute awe. Victor may have sent him countless videos as he was even just learning the jump, all the way to when it had become his signature move, but none of them had ever given it the justice that it so clearly deserved. Watching it _literally_ right in front of him was unbelievable.

When Yuuri set off to run through his program again, he felt renewed energy and determination. That little break with Victor seemed to be exactly what he had needed.

Once practice had ended, they each had separate media duties to attend to, and coaches who wanted them to watch the Juniors’ events before their own in the evening. Their last little bit of time together until that night was spent unlacing their skates next to one another in the corner of the athletes’ area.

“Hey, Yuuri?” Victor spoke as he began wiping off his skate blades. He almost sounded unsure of himself, which struck Yuuri as odd.

“Yes, Victor?”

“I was thinking, um… If you wanted to, when you come by tonight… You could _plan_ on staying, bring your pajamas and everything. I realized after last night that would give us more time together. Only if you want to, though!”

Yuuri knew he had to be blushing. There was no way he wasn’t. It took him far too long to reply, trying to sound as casual as possible, “Yeah, sure!”

He told himself it was only because of what Victor had said, that it meant they could maximize their time together, when they had so little to begin with. Absolutely not because he kind of hoped to wake up in Victor’s arms again. Not at all.

This was going to be one long weekend.

 

* * *

 

The entire weekend actually went by in a bit of a blur.

Yuuri was hit by his usual waves of competition anxiety, but something was also different. Somehow having Victor _there_ and knowing he was directly competing against him made Yuuri more motivated than ever. They’d both been dreaming of this for years, and that accomplishment alone was invigorating.

It probably also helped that he had Victor to talk to at night when his anxiety was running high. Somehow sleeping next to him had actually become a comfort, rather than just another source of anxiety like it had been at first. He was a little scared that he was getting too used to it, knowing it would probably never happen again, but he tried not to think about that too much.

They kept up these nightly sleepovers for the entire weekend, and though Yuuri desperately wished they could mean something more, he wouldn’t have given them up for anything. Victor had been correct about his tendency to cuddle anything near him in his sleep, and Yuuri found himself waking up every single morning in his arms. It was unbelievable. Victor had even stopped apologizing and jumping away after the second time it happened, and Yuuri’s mind ran a little wild with it. He had to remind himself so many times that Victor was just _like this_ , and it couldn’t possibly mean anything more because he couldn’t possibly have similar feelings. They weren’t soulmates, after all. And that was _fine_.

Yuuri’s short program had been the best it had been all season, which he was in shock about for the entire evening. He’d landed all but one of his jumps nearly perfectly, which was rare for him in competition. Victor had poured praises to him all night, and Yuuri had only blushed in response about thirty times.

If he had thought that watching Victor skate during the morning’s practice had been amazing, watching him actually skate during the competition was _unbelievable_. For as many times as he’d watched videos of him skating before, whether from competitions or the personal videos Victor had recorded especially for him, none of these could compare to watching him skate right before his eyes. As cliché as it sounded, Yuuri swore he took his breath away, more so than ever before. All of the raw emotions Victor poured into his skating were right there in front of him, and watching him from the boards was even better than Yuuri had ever dreamed.

His nerves got to him a little more by his free program, only exacerbated by the fact that he was nearly last to skate, with only Victor after him. He didn’t do _horribly_ , by any means, and he had to try to keep telling himself that, because his anxiety wanted him to think otherwise. He’d stepped out of a jump, touched down on another, under-rotated the last one… By the time he got to the kiss and cry he was sure he had failed horribly. But then he saw his scores, and nearly cried when he realized he was in second (certainly thanks to his score from the short). With only Victor left after him, he was going to _medal_.

And then he’d stood on the podium, at his _first_ Senior Final, with a bronze medal around his neck and joyful tears in his eyes. When Victor had pulled him up to the top of the podium for a photo, he’d hugged him tightly and whispered to him that he was _so proud_. Yuuri had only cried a little at that.

He’d hardly blinked by the time the exhibition gala had already gone by and he found himself standing awkwardly in the middle of the banquet hall of the hotel, making half-hearted attempts to talk with sponsors. He’d always hated this part of competitions most; socializing with strangers always gave him so much anxiety. He felt like he never knew what to say when sponsors came and bombarded him with all kinds of pointless small talk.

This time, though, Victor had come to Yuuri’s side when he must have had a particularly pained look on his face. He’d proceeded to stay next to him for the entire night, and that had certainly made it easier to keep his anxiety at bay. Something about being around Victor just made him feel more at ease.

There was also a slight possibility that Yuuri had helped himself to… a _few_ glasses of champagne. Because he had wanted to lessen his anxiety. Because it was there. Because he wanted to have a little fun with his best friend now that he finally _could_. There were plenty of reasons. He couldn’t be sure exactly which he’d decided on.

At that point his memory was a little blurred, but he knew he had asked Victor to dance, and they had managed some kind of drunken waltz, and he had laughed _so much_ , and at some point in the night, the fancy blue tie from Victor had wound up around his head. There had been more champagne and more dancing and more laughing, and all of it had blended together, but Yuuri was sure it was the most fun he had _ever_ had at a banquet.

Yuuri’s next clear memory was waking up next to Victor (he never had wound up sleeping in his own hotel room that weekend). His head was throbbing and his dress shirt was still on, though half its buttons were undone. He thought he saw the blurry outline of his pants draped on the back of the desk chair.

When Victor finally woke up, Yuuri cautiously asked what had happened the night before, a little afraid of what his drunken self might have done. He could remember most of the beginning, but things got fuzzy around their third dance and he couldn’t even remember coming back to the room at all. Victor laughed and told him how he’d become _very_ clingy after the first dance, and how he’d lost his shirt for a while at some point, and how he’d told Victor he loved him no less than fifteen times. Yuuri felt his entire face heat up when Victor made sure to add that he loved him, too. Yuuri knew he didn’t mean it in the same way, and only hoped Victor hadn’t realized the way Yuuri had meant it in his drunken state. It wasn’t like they’d never said it to each other before, so he at least had that much to rely on.

As soon as the weekend had started though, it was already over. The hug in the lobby felt like it had happened only moments ago when Yuuri already found himself walking into the airport with Victor at his side. The excitement and terror of competition had passed and faded into the drunken banquet and then suddenly that was over too and he was at his gate, and Victor was hugging him goodbye. Yuuri waved after him once they’d parted, Victor having to leave to catch his own plane for his reasonable single flight back to St. Petersburg. Yuuri had to brace himself for three planes, five airports, and twenty-seven hours of travel before he would see his bed again.

When he finally did, he could only think about how disappointed he was to lay in it alone.

 

* * *

 

By the weekend of Japanese and Russian Nationals, Yuuri was only starting to get used to just seeing Victor through his computer screen again.

For Yuuri, the competition had actually gone phenomenally, despite all his worst fears. Riding on the high of his bronze in Sochi, and the idea that he would maybe get to compete against Victor again at Worlds, he had managed even better programs, and earned himself _gold_ this time. Victor had talked his ear off about it as soon as they found time to talk at night. Between the win itself and the compliments from Victor, Yuuri had been so happy he’d cried.

And then the next day arrived, and Yuuri sat in his hotel room alone, with nothing to do until the exhibition gala in the evening. He wanted to call Victor to wish him happy birthday as well as good luck in his own free program, but it was still too early in Russia. He scrolled aimlessly through Instagram for hours, trying to find something, _anything_ to do before he could talk to Victor. He thought he might die of boredom.

When his phone suddenly started ringing with an incoming video call from Victor, he was a little confused. As often as they talked, neither of them usually called the other without texting first. What could be happening that Victor had gone straight to calling?

Yuuri answered anyway, smiling brightly, “Good morning, Victor! Happy birthday!”

Victor was sitting in his hotel bed, with no shirt on and his hair still a disheveled mess. He clearly had called immediately after waking up.

“Yuuri! Yuuri, look!” he shouted excitedly, bouncing a little in his spot, and then he held his hand right up to the camera. Yuuri squinted at his small phone screen to see what Victor was talking about, and… _oh_.

There, on the inside of his right ring finger, was a tiny, intricate marking. Thin black lines etched out the branches of half of a detailed snowflake, and another, tinier snowflake sat just above, further towards the top of his finger.

His soul mark.

Yuuri felt his stomach drop. Sure, he’d known this would happen eventually, but he just… Hadn’t ever been able to mentally prepare himself for it. And now the moment was here. It was somehow so much worse than just waking up on his own birthday year after year to a bare finger. At least with that, he could keep hoping against all odds that somehow one year the universe would fix its mistake. Having no marks at least didn’t mean that either of them had found their soulmate in someone besides one another.

But now Victor had his mark. He’d met his soulmate, some time in his twenty-fourth year. There was no twisting that meaning.

And Yuuri couldn’t cry about it. Not yet, not while he was still right in front of Victor. His heart was breaking and he had to _smile_. Because how could you not be happy for your best friend on what is supposed to be one of the most exciting days of his life?

So Yuuri smiled, and it was forced, but he managed it, and he didn’t cry, and he somehow said something he barely processed about how exciting it was that Victor finally got his mark, how pretty it is, how happy he is for him. None of these things were exactly untrue, they were just partial truths, or they were painful, but Yuuri managed. Because Victor is his best friend and he loves him. He _loves_ him. And Yuuri really _was_ glad to see him happy, even if it was horribly, horribly painful at the same time.

Victor smiled on camera, too busy studying the new mark on his skin to pay much attention to Yuuri’s progressively breaking composure (much to Yuuri’s relief). The look of fascination on his face might have taken Yuuri’s breath away if it wasn’t already stuck in his throat.

“You know, it’s weird though,” Victor commented eventually, cutting into the painful silence, “I _cannot_ think of who my soulmate could be. So many people say they pretty much _knew_ when they met them, even before the mark showed up, right?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri managed softly, holding back his bitter thought of, _I thought I knew_.

“Who _is_ he then? I don’t think I’ve met anyone like that this year.”

Yuuri shrugged, offering, “Maybe you only briefly met him? And you’ll get to know him better when you meet again? I’ve heard stories like that.” It was getting harder and harder to keep his voice even, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this conversation up without crying.

Victor hummed softly in response, seeming to consider that possibility. Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to actually look at him on the screen anymore, but he was sure he had a finger to his lips in thought. It was a very endearing habit of his, and Yuuri really needed to _not_ think about it.

A good minute passed by in silence. Usually they could fall into quiet moments comfortably, but this one just felt awful. Yuuri hated that he just wanted to hang up, but this was not how he had wanted this call to go.

Eventually, Victor sighed, “I have to go get ready for practice soon, or Yakov is going to lose all his hair and blame me.”

Yuuri nodded, managing another pained smile, though his words were easier this time, “Good luck tonight, I’m sure you’ll be amazing!”

“You too, with your exhibition, you _gold medalist_ ,” Victor’s smirk was blatantly obvious in his voice.

Yuuri smiled genuinely at that, blushing a little as he thought about their conversation from the night before. That had been a much better call.

“Thank you, Victor. And happy birthday again! Now go get ready so Yakov doesn’t have to break into your hotel room again.”

“One time, Yuuri, that happened _one time!_ ” Victor defended, mock-hurt in his voice.

Yuuri shook his head, laughing lightly, “ _Go_.”

“Okay, okay!” Victor held his hands up in surrender. He flashed a smile and waved at the screen. “We’ll talk again soon! Bye! Love you!”

Yuuri froze. He hadn’t been expecting that, especially not so casually, and he felt like his heart was going to implode. He barely managed to stiffly whisper, “Love you, too,” before Victor ended the call. Sure, they told each other that casually often enough, but… right now it just hit a spot that felt especially sore.

Any trace of a smile fell off Yuuri’s face immediately, as he was finally really immersed in the thought that Victor had found his soulmate. That his soulmate was some random stranger even Victor didn’t know well. That _he_ was not Victor’s soulmate.

He curled his legs up in front of him in the little desk chair he’d been sitting in, and he hugged his knees to his chest. The room felt like it was closing in on him. It didn’t matter how many times he’d told himself he would eventually have to accept this, it still _fucking hurt_.

Tears streamed down his face, and he tossed his glasses carelessly towards the bed so he could dig the heels of his hands into his eyes. Apparently this was the answer to his earlier boredom.

It was nothing short of a miracle that he managed to hide his breakdown by the time his exhibition came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some fun facts about this chapter:
> 
> I managed to use Victor and Yuuri's names an exact even amount of times (158 each lol)
> 
> the tie Victor gave Yuuri is basically the same as the cummerbund from [this costume](http://opalescentlesbiian.tumblr.com/post/175871756985) except blue cuz I forgot it was gold and not blue but hey. it's a tie and it's blue now
> 
> I was basing the dates for the Japanese and Russian Nationals off the real ones....... and then realized I was looking at a schedule for the wrong year for the Japanese ones but I'd already written so much and the timing worked out too well so...... if yoi can change locations I can change dates lol
> 
> also you may have noticed I added a tag but Vicchan gets to live in this fic even tho it's not mentioned in the chapter cuz like.... that's not the kind of angst I'm here for and I felt like it would affect what I wanted to happen here too much so. he lives I said so
> 
> anyway thank you for reading!!!! everyone who's left comments and kudos on this have made me so happy <3 
> 
> if you want you can follow me on [tumblr](http://opalescentlesbiian.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/opallesbiian) where I sometimes post about the progress of this story and/or previews of it!


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